Epistle 4 - Unpaid Bill

Souper

A (somewhat brief) homily for the Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 6, 2024

Gn 2:18-24, Heb 2:9-11, Mk 10:2-16 or 10:2-12

These days, when it comes to weddings, I’m either the presiding minister-slash-official witness or I’m sitting at the far corner of the reception with the other haddas.

You know, the old people the young couple “hadda invite” to make their parents or — yikes! — grandparents happy.

Either way, though, I think weddings are fun, especially destination weddings with quirky themes and receptions that include alligator wranglers, such as the one Andrea and I are about to attend in New Orleans next Sunday.

Oh, by the way, it’s our son’s.

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Necessities and niceties

A homily for the Twenty-Sixth Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 29, 2024

Nm 11:25-29, Jas 5:1-6, Mk 9:38-43, 45, 47-48

The other day, I stumbled across a pack of Magic Birthday Candles. You know, the ones that relight themselves every time you blow them out. I actually was looking for the gizmo that helps me open the jar of bread-and-butter pickles, but I found the three magic candles first.

I of course was rooting around in the kitchen junk drawer. It’s right next to the dishwasher in our house, and it holds a big screwdriver, a set of those tiny jeweler’s screwdrivers, scissors, pliers, measuring tapes — big and little — Scotch tapes, double-sticky-stuff, a Ziploc of glitter, and birthday candles, mostly half-burned.

All that and much more. Much, much more. Including three lonely little magic candles.

And everything in that drawer — which nobody in my family can close fully — everything in that drawer is absolutely essential for us to live a complete and meaningful life.

So is everything in our basement.

Absolutely essential.

Yours too, I bet.

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Hand up

A homily for the Twenty-Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 22, 2024

Wis 2:12, 17-20, Jas 3:16—4:3, Mk 9:30-37

When our daughter was first breaking into the entertainment business, she did as many of her fellow performers did: She waited tables and worked other jobs at restaurants and bars.

She often covered the Early Bird shifts when she was working at Macaroni Grill. Early Birds … we all know what that means, right? Gaggles of Golden Agers.

Back then, Macaroni Grill was trying to shore up its bona fides as an Italian eatery by serving their pre-meal bread with seasoned olive oil, as legit ristorantes do. So Erin would bring out the crusty loaves and plunk them down alongside the olio d’oliva, and then head back to her station. She rarely was more than a step or two away before a patron would holler over to her: “Waitress, you forgot the butter for the bread.”

She learned quickly, really quickly, to carry a big stash of those little butter briquets in her apron.

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Re: action

A homily for the Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 15, 2024

Is 50:5-9a, Jas 2:14-18, Mk 8:27-35

Wise people have embraced the maxim that we may not be able to control certain situations, but we can control how we react to them.

Thank you to whoever said that first, and to everyone else who has spread the word. Truer words were never said (to coin a cliché).

And we all, all too frequently, can find ourselves in situations that are — or may seem — grossly unfair. Especially situations we consider to be insanely unfair to us.

What is it about these happenstances that bring out the 2- or 3-year-old in us? Why is our first impulse to flail about and whine and act mortally wounded?

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Say aah

A homily for the Twenty-Third Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 8, 2024

Is 35:4-7a, Jas 2:1-5, Mk 7:31-37

My father, a family physician who practiced quirky but scientifically sound medicine for more than 50 years, was his own worst patient.

His family members came in second, but we’ll get to that later.

This physician not only could not heal himself, he did not even try, as far as my brothers and sisters-in-law and I could ever determine.

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W, X…

A homily for the Twenty-Second Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 1, 2024

Dt 4:1-2, 6-8, Jas 1:17-18, 21b-22, 27, Mk 7:1-8, 14-15, 21-23

The Sisters of St. Francis from the Glen Riddle, PA, mother house who taught us at St. Leo the Great School in the 1960s were an enlightened bunch. They clarified the difference between nationalism and patriotism, framing the former as potentially sinful. They instructed us in single-gender classes about sex and love and how both are gifts from God, with only minimal blushing. (Yes, I know the joke.)

And they believed in buy-in. They knew that people older than 3 deserved to know “why” for them to follow rules. So the sisters took the time to explain, for example, why we were forbidden to talk during a fire drill (the person in front of us might turn around to listen, might trip, and then everyone would tumble over them, disastrously).

Rules, we learned, were for our well-being. Even the annoying ones … which weren’t as annoying once we understood the “why” they were built on.

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No onions

A homily for the Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time, August 18, 2024

Prv 9:1-6, Eph 5:15-20, Jn 6:51-58

Here’s a story about how dense I can be sometimes.

The first time I heard the phrase “six-foot sub,” I wasn’t sure if the speaker was talking about a new Navy vessel or a second-string basketball player coming off the bench.

Yes, I knew what a submarine sandwich was (and is); Dad treated my brothers and me to No. 2s from Elsie’s, and later, from Joyce’s, at the start and end of every semester from first grade through high school graduation.

But those ham-and-capicola subs were one-person two-fisted concoctions at six inches, not crowd-feeders at six feet. I just couldn’t see it.

Besides, where would somebody get a roll that big, anyway? That’s a whole lotta bread.

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Smorgas

A homily for the Eighteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time, August 4, 2024

Ex 16:2-4, 12-15, Eph 4:17, 20-24, Jn 6:24-35

All-you-can-eat buffets are among the most popular topics for cartoonists, animators and stand-up comedians. There probably are a thousand jokes for every item on the line at Golden Corral or China Palace (though I don’t think Red Lobster’s bankruptcy lawyers were laughing at the TikTokers who videoed themselves tossing back 100-plus “unlimited” shrimp).

Usually, the punch line is a variation on a Copious Consumer being shown the door while complaining, “But it says ‘All You Can Eat’!” and the proprietor replying, “That’s right. And I say you’ve eaten all you can eat.”

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